i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize