I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
