I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you told grandpa to call you daddy
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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