i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
