haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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