So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
