just come out here and I will go home with you...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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