maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
