If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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