do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
