i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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