allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
