that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
