I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
