Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
