I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Holy sore nipples Batman
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
