May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
