Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
