I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
