i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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