how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
