I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
