i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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