i wish peter jackson would direct porn
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
