You're so nebulous sometimes
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize