is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Randomize
