Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
