You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize