it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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