in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
