So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Vodka?
Forever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
