I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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