We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
