Having a random hookup so left but love u
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
