Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
