i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize