then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
