the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
