If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize