he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
