once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
