They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
