Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
