Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
