He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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