He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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