we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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