I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
