Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Congratulations! We have a period
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
