Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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