You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize