she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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