I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
