i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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