Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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