When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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