I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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