someone get that fucking seahorse.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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