so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
