how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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