So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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