just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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