my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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