i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
