Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
