eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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