I need help removing her.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
soo... how was my night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
