Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize