Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
