I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
