Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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