I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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