eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize