Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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