he puts the penis in happiness.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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