The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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