first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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