As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
